Sometimes it takes a long time to finish things…and I’m OK with that.
These words I’m writing - that you’re reading - didn’t exist until now, so I couldn’t have written them any sooner than I did.
It takes time to create work at the level of quality I expect from myself. The conditions aren’t always there. The muse takes days off from time to time.
I wasn’t always OK with this. Or, at least, I was made for a period of time to believe that this wasn’t OK. That there were always important “deadlines” and “goals” and such. Must. Go. Fast. Beep. Boop.
I would always hear “P” words reflected back at me when I would try and describe this feeling I would have that something wasn’t quite ready…but at the same time couldn’t use my words to adequately articulate: Perfectionism. Procrastination.
It’s neither of those things. I know nothing is ever perfect, nor is perfection ever an attainable ideal. So I don’t pursue it.
And I don’t procrastinate in the sense that I put things off…I have just learned over time that trying to apply any kind of estimate or timeline to the unknowable is a fool’s errand.
And when you haven’t done something before - especially when the undertaking pushes you beyond your level of comfort - you can never know how long it will take to explore the unknown, gain new knowledge, and connect the right pieces to make sense of the puzzle.
You never know how many times you’re going to fall and have to get back up again.
You never know when you’re going to run into dead ends.
You never know when you’re going to just get so sick and tired of grinding that you have to walk away and create space.
You never know when the time will come when you simply can’t know any more about something without seeing it from another perspective that isn’t currently available.
Sometimes…things just take time. Sometimes it’s just a matter of letting things work themselves out.
Sometimes it’s hearing what wasn’t said. Sometimes you need to hear something again…for the first time.
Sometimes the conditions aren’t right…right now. And sometimes they are in the morning.
Sometimes you will just…never know.
And even though you may not know what something is until you find it, sometimes you knew it was there all along.
Nothing is ever the same experience twice.
You just have to know when good enough is…good enough.
Release in the wild and move on to the next thing.
I’ve learned to be OK with all of this.
It’s learnable.